This is Robert
by HiddenPortrait
Summary: A really cute stroy with a an odd pairing. SelemaXRobert. It's just really funny


This is Robert

This is Robert. He's a jerk and needs a girlfriend. He lives in the middle o nowhere in a castle with booby traps all around it. This might be why he doesn't have a girlfriend. Robert only has 3 friends, non of which like him very much. Probably because he's a jerk and needs a girl friend.

Lets us begin our tale like this so you clearly understand he's a jerk and needs a girlfriend.

All Roberts troubles began one morning when he was doing his hair. Robert has really bad hair (another reason he doesn't have a girlfriend perhaps?) It was now Robert remembered his friend Enrique was throwing a surprise party for his other friend Oliver today.

"Ph damn" he swore, "I suppose I have to go" He ran the comb through his hair once more and called his butler, "I'm going to Italy today"

"To visit master Enrique?"

"shut up, now ready my jet I must be there by 11:30, now go!"

"Yes sir" the butler ran out. Robert only has butlers. He didn't understand women, so they made him uncomfortable. Besides it was something Enrique was better at, so as not to be beaten Robert had nothing to do with it.

Later that day as Robert's jet departed he thought of something- Enrique organised this party so there were going to be girls, lost of girls. In fact, he'd be lucky if there were any males. Damn! Damn, damn, damn ,damn, damn! The Robert remembered something else, he'd left Oliver's present at home. Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Oh no! One more problem arose as Robert left the plane, the Bladebreakers were there to greet him, Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

This is Tyson. Tyson has a big mouth and a small brain.

This is Max. Max drinks too much red bull.

Tyson and Max each grabbed a shoulder.

"Heya buddy!" Tyson smiled

"ready for the party?" asked Max, eyes alight.

Robert glared. Robert likes to glare. He's very good at it, "number one I am NOT your buddy and number two I am not attending any party you are!"

They smiled, "Enrique said you might say that" said max

"so he told us to do this" Tyson had an unnerving grin. They each grabbed him by his jacket and started to drag him away. Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

"Let me go! This is so undignified!" Robert yelled

"sorry I got my orders!" chuckled Tyson

Robert sighed, "I'll give you a dollar"

"We don't need your dollars!" pouted max, a little put out.

"I'll give you two dollars"

"OK!" both boys let go. Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

This is Rei. Rei is smart and sensitive and has a girlfriend. Unlike Robert who is a jerk and need's a girlfriend.

"ahem?" Rei gave them a look.

"Oh right!" Tyson said and they grabbed him again. Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

"I'll gibe you a hundred dollars!"

"Enrique said he'd double whatever you offered" said Max

"I have more money then him!" Robert exclaimed

"cool!" they let go again.

"Please don't make me hurt you two" sighed Rei.

"Sorry" Max blushed and they grabbed Robert again.

Robert was dragged all the way to Enrique's front door, "At least let me walk in on my own!" Robert protested.

This is Kai. Kai hates everyone and everything. Kai's a jerk but for some reason can get a girlfriend. Unlike Robert who's a jerk and needs a girlfriend.

"Ok" chuckled Kai. Tyson and Max let go.

"How do you live with them?" Robert asked Kai. Kai just glared, he likes to glare. He's good at it, better then Robert, this annoys Robert.

"Can you stop him?" asked Robert

This is Kenny. Kenny's only friend is a smart mouthed lap top called Dizzi, "nope, Kai does as he pleases" informed Kenny. Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

Robert walked in, he was right, lots of girls. Some boys…none he liked. And now one he particularly disliked.

This in Enrique. Enrique is suave, sexy, rich and has lots of girlfriends. Unlike Robert, who is a jerk and needs a girlfriend. "Robert you made it!" laughed Enrique and slapped him on the back.

"very funny"

"C'mon, have fun, there are plenty of girls, enough for even you to find someone!"

"what does that mean?"

"It means you're a jerk and need a girlfriend"

"why does everybody say that?"

"uh…because you're a jerk and need a girlfriend?"

"I never saw the point" said Robert

"the point? THE POINT?" Enrique scolded, "Robert! What is the point of everything? The challenge! Not that I have much"

"you are an idiot"

"Oh c'mon just group and try!" Enrique pushed him towards a guest.

This is Emily. Emily is smart and likes tennis--a lot. Robert hated this but would not be beaten, "err, Hello, I'm Robert"

"Hi, I'm Emily, I'm from the AllStarz. I specialise in tennis" she smiled

"however good you are, I'm better" he replied. She looked shocked. This was easy! Behind her Enrique was making hand gestures, "and I want to kill you?" Robert guessed.

"I have never been so insulted!" she said

"really? I would think a red haired, freckle faced and four eyed geek like you would be used to it" he mentioned.

SLAP

This is Robert. Not only is he jerk but has a lapped face.

"Dude that was not cool! This", he gestured, "means stop, not kill!"

"this is pointless"

"no, no, you just have to change your attitude. Listen to them. Pretend they're better then you, agree with them, then let slip you're better features"

"better features?"

"Like say, "oh yeah that's so cool, of course I don't get much time being a prince and all" or, "wow you have great dress sense, I wish I could spend my millions of dollars on you" that's a great one, but one that's never failed me is, "yeah, I love the water. I spend so much time on my personal yacht. Of course my jet is nicer but ya know sometimes it's good just to relax on your private tropical island or in one of your mansions ya know?"

"but…you know me and complementing" Robert pleaded

"it's easy, end just about every sentence about yourself asking about them and if ya get stuck try these two, "would you like to decorate a room in my mansion, you have great taste" or, "can I use as a subject for a painting?" remember the three things babes love, themselves, money and themselves"

"but…"

"oh yeah and never say "you're pretty wicked""

"I would never say that anyway!"

"Relax," Enrique got an idea for some fun, "I know an easy target, over there"

This is Hillary. Hillary is a feminist who likes to hear herself talk. Good luck Robert. Robert walked up to Hillary, only keeping his composure so as not to lose, "hello I'm Robert"

"Hey Robert, I'm Hillary. The Bladebreakers have told me all about you"

"really?"

"yeah" she giggled, "I guess I'll see if you're that bad eh?"

"that bad?" Enrique was making more hand gestures, "I don't have much time being a prince but um, I'm sure you'd look much nicer in my castle"

Hillary blushed, "oh stop kidding"

Robert was proud! "it's true, I wish I knew more about you…tell me"

Hillary was happy, "well I've been with the Bladebreakers for a while. It all started when I met Tyson… he's so loyal"

"Tse! Anyone who likes Tyson is a fool but I guess girl are like that" he scoffed. Oh no!

SLAP

"you are barbaric!" she stormed off

"you did so much better that time" said Enrique

"I'm going home"

"but Oliver will be here soon. Listen if at first you don't succeed try again!"

"I am not being slapped again"

"Trust me"

Robert scowled, "ok" as Enrique picked out another target.

This is Miriah. Miriah is a pretty, intelligent girl who has a boyfriend. Unlike Robert who is a jerk and needs a boyfriend…I mean girlfriend!

"hello, I'm Robert"

"Oh, Hi, I'm Miriah"

"Miriah is a pretty name." He was doing it!

"thanks" she smiled

"I guess it matches the person"

"are you coming on to me Robert?" she giggled

"never! It's a sin to steal and angel away" all that time bored infront of soaps was paying off.

Do you remember Rei?

"hey Rei" Miriah smiled as the boy came up.

"Rei, " Robert glared, "don't you have someplace to be?"

Rei smiled, "you mean other then with the light of my life?" he hugged Miriah and they began to Eskimo kiss. Robert rolled his eyes and stalked off.

"so she was taken, it happens" said Enrique

"I am not doing this"

"aw c'mon, you mean you can't do this?"

"HOW DAREYOU!"

"ok chill. There are lots more! This time if there are any probs, I'll come and….err…give you a little hand ok?"

Robert pouted, "what about…her?" he pointed to a girl.

This is Mariam. Mariam has only recently found out about love.

"My name's Robert and what might a beauty like you be called?"

"Mariam"

"stunning"

"thanks"

"you have great dress sense"

"whatever. You think I'd actually choose to wear this? It's all I have"

"oh.." mayday, MAYDAY! Send for back up!

Enrique came over, "so what did she say?"

"huh?" Mariam looked at him, "about what?" Robert was just as confused.

"oh well Robert said you were gorgeous but I said you probably weren't too bright"

"what?"

"yeah and then he said, what did you say Rob?"

"I err, said you had an intelligent gleam in your eyes"

"and so I told him to talk to you and see"

"and I conclude she is a very bright young lady"

"so why don't you go get lost?" she snapped.

"K, Catch ya!" Enrique walked off but as Robert turned to leave she said

"no you can stay"

"really?'

"I guess, you saved me from the show off"

"no problem. Ummm, would you like to spend some time with me on my yacht tomorrow?"

she looked appalled, "are you saying I'm fast?"

"no I-"

"you're lucky I'm not gonna tell Ozuma about this!" she turned and walked away.

Enrique came over, "maybe you just need to see a pro in action? Watch and learn my friend because this is an art". He walked up to the first girl he saw.

This is Queen. Umm…this is gonna hurt.

"Oh my god! I didn't know Oliver had model friends! Wow! I'm Enrique, could I get an autograph?"

Queen sighed and held up her hand in his face, "later" then walked off.

Robert chuckled, "aw it's ok, if at first you don't succeed try again. I'll help you out! Here's a line that never fails…"

Enrique stomped off.

"Wait up Enrique, just mention your better qualities!" Robert laughed.

"Oliver's here! Hide!" some one yelled. Everybody, yes even Robert hid.

This is Oliver. It's his birthday.

"I don't know why Enrique wanted me to visit his grandmother. She wasn't even there" Oliver grumbled as he walked in.

"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled.

"Oh my god!" Oliver looked around, "thank you all so much!"

"we'll let Oliver calm down before we open the presents" announced Enrique.

"presents too?" asked Oliver

Robert stood in a corner sulking. It just wasn't fair! Stupid girls, stupid Enrique, stupid party! He glared at them all, not one of them deserved his attention! He had money, he was number one at almost everything! So what if they were girls, he was still better! So caught up in these musings, he barely noticed a soft sweet voice, "Hi"

This is Selema. She's nice but she's angry at the boys. Very much unlike Robert who's a jerk and needs a girlfriend. Robert glared, "well?"

"what do you mean well?" she asked

Robert sighed "what do you want?"

"sorry, I was just wondering if I could talk to you"

"you…wanted to talk...to me?"

she giggled, "eyes"

"don't you have friends?" he snapped

She smiled, "yes, but I'd much rather talk to a good looking boy then those idiots"

"why? What's wrong with them, asides form the obvious?"

She giggled, "they forgot there's another world apart from beyblading and Rei forgot to mention a certain little pink thing"

Robert chuckled, "they are rather sickening"

"yeah and well most guys are just so full of themselves"

"it's not like the ladies are any better, pathetic attempts I must say" agreed Robert

"so what's your name?"

"Robert and you?"

"Selema"

"I wish I was home away from all these losers"

Selema gave him an odd look

"go on say it" said Robert

"say what?"

"I'm a jerk and need a girlfriend"

"I don't think you're a jerk" she told him

"really?"

"yep!" she smiled, "but I do think you need a girlfriend"

Robert was silent for a moment, "if you're not busy perhaps one day you'd care to visit me?"

Selema's eyes widened, "I'd love that!"

"I'm not being offensive? I'm not barbaric? You're not taken? I'm not saying you're fast? Or perhaps my breathing isn't just upsetting you?

"of course not!" she laughed, "sounds like you've had some bad luck"

"so you would?" he changed the subject

"as soon as I can!"

"this week end, I'll call and send the jet over to pick you up" he smiled smugly

"oh don't bother, I'll just make my way there, turn up ya know?"

"I wouldn't advise you ever just 'turn up', it may be dangerous"

"I'll keep that in mind. Here's my number" Selema wrote it on a napkin and gave it to him. Robert put it carefully in his pocket, "please don't take offence but could you do me a favour?"

Enrique had been watching them from the punch bowl, what was Robert doing? Enrique was still put out by his experience with Queen. After a few whispers it happened. She kissed him! What was happening? Robert walked over.

"why hello Enrique, what are you up to?" he asked with delight.

Enrique glowered, "oh you know, checking out the ladies, how about you?"

"one lady in particular, isn't she a pretty little thing? Where's your date?"

Enrique was mad and stormed off. Selema came over in hysterics.

On the way home Robert grinned. He was happy. He was going over the things that needed doing when he arrived home.

A room prepared for Selema

Oliver's present sent

Some female staff hired

And of course he had to invite Enrique over for dinner one night Selema was there.

Yes Robert was still a jerk but at least now he has a girlfriend!

FIN

((AN: okie dokie! I wrote this ages and ages ago, like maybe two years ago? But I never typed it up. It's just random kinda I guess. I wanted to write 'My first Beyblade's story' but it turned out to be this. I love this story so flame away I wont care!))


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